To Jay

I can’t thank you enough for checking out on me when I was down. It was comforting to know that you care.

I’m sorry, I ran out of creative juices lately. I would’ve written you a poem just like what I did for my other lil bro’s birthday. I tried, but I just can’t.

But, anyway, just like I promised you yesterday, I’ll greet you on my blog. Well, here it is!!!

So, to my little brother, Jay:

Silent Cries

No matter how we have been hurt by the people we love,

Love them anyway…

A text message from a friend who didn’t know what happened.

P*+@%$#^&!

Samahan pa ng emo songs sa canteen kanina during breakfast:

Broken Vow

Gone

To Where You Are

How Do I Live

That last song hit me the hardest.

I hurriedly went to the men's room, went to the farthermost cubicle, locked it up, put down the toilet seat cover, sat down, covered my mouth with a hanky, and cried.

Silent cries.

Ambigat.

To groan, silently, while in agony for a good couple of minutes.

Ayoko na…

Ang sakit sakit na…

Ayoko na umiyak...

I just wanna feel numb.

:'(

Fin

Before P went to this party a while ago, he asked C if they could hang out. To P’s surprise, C answered with a blatant,

No.

P was stunned.

I’m sorry.

Don’t bother.

They were ok yesterday, or so P thought. Then what happened between then and now?

A lot.

And C started with a litany of things that P couldn’t bear to read. On the way to the train station, P called him up again.

Hey…

Oh?

You wanna talk?

No.

Then there was silence… Neither of them talking… After a few minutes, C hanged up. He texted C, asking how they were.    

Is this the end? I’m seriously tired of trying to make it work. I’m tired of…

P was tearing up, and then the next words were blurred. Everything’s starting to get hazy.

On the way to the party, P was disoriented. He was walking, mindless of the street names. He, then, realized that he was going the wrong way.

He’s lost.

He called up his colleagues asking for directions. He couldn’t take it in. He couldn’t take anything in. His mind was blank.

Could you guys just pick me up somewhere? I think I’m really lost.

Lost.

He’s lost.

After about 10 minutes of walking, he saw his colleagues waving at him. He waved back.

Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

He gave out a faint smile. Its better his colleagues didn’t ask any more questions, and just went their way towards the venue of the party.

It’s a party. It’s supposed to be a joyous occasion. He tried his best to put his act together. He’s way better off as an actor, than that clown in front who's cracking up jokes, imitating people and pulling off his version of a stand-up comedy.

Three buckets of SML were served on the table. He thought of drowning himself with beer. Who cares if he couldn’t get up after? Who cares if he’d ever get home, safely?

            Di ka iinom, Nate? Ubusin natin ‘to?

            I’m ok, sige lang… I’ve work tomorrow…

At around 7PM, he doesn’t feel like partying anymore. He went to talk to the hostess of the party, and excused himself.

            Ok lang, Nate. Kung sabagay, we still have work tomorrow.

            Thanks, ah. See you at work tomorrow.

            Ingat ka, Nate.

This time, he couldn’t afford to walk mindlessly. He was alert at walking along the dim lit streets of San Juan.

Arriving home, P opened the door. Only to be bombarded with more questions by his brother.

            Oh, bat ang aga mo?

            Did the party end early?

            Bat mukha kang tuliro? Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

P didn’t answer the questions. He went straight to bed, hugged a pillow, and cried. He’s aching all over.

He’s hurt, badly.

But then, he felt the need to write about it. He thought it would be cathartic.

And so he did.

***

Back in high school, when we are studying Shakespeare, I remember a classmate making her own version of Thomas Mowbray’s line in Richard II. The line was supposed to be about honor and life. But, then, this particular classmate of mine chose to replace honor with love. She (classmate) wrote it in her notebook, and it read:

“Mine honour love is my life; both grow in one.
Take honour love from me, and my life is done.”

Done…

Done.

:’(

P.S. It’s supposed to be our 5^th monthsary on the 25^th

Checkmate

I’ve been busy, yes. And I’ve admitted that I’ve been “walang kwenta” the past few weeks.

I guess I could, somehow, tell that I know how you are when you miss me. Out of the blue, you would invite me to go somewhere; to see if your spontaneity has fully rubbed–off on me. And you would be really persistent and will not take no for answer.

San ka na ba?

You asked, as if I haven’t already given you a ton of reasons why I can’t make it.

You’d get pissed.

I’d get pissed.

Then, there goes our EQ down the drain – You and your persistent calls and texts; me and your 20+ missed calls and unread messages on my phone.

I guess you know me too well. You know that if I can, I’d make ways just so I could spend time with you.

I’d be there at the meeting place before you do; you’d come in late, like the usual. Try as I may, I can’t make myself get mad at you. I’d blame it on that boyish charm and that sweet smile of yours.

And the peppermint chocolate might have appeased me a little.

Then, this happened…

You are physically with me, but I can’t feel you. Yes, you’d hold me with your cold hands, but your palms won’t get warm on my touch anymore.

I’d lay my head on your shoulder, you’d wrap your arm around my waist to hold me close; yet I could feel you pulling away.

Are you?

Are you pulling away?

“I’m not pulling away… I don’t know… I felt a sudden distance too. I don’t quite understand myself. I miss you like crazy, but I don’t know how to express it anymore. It’s like I just suddenly ran out of things to do.”

You said you felt weird and hurt.

You do?

Then, I’m telling you right now, it pains me more than it hurts you. The sharp pang is unbearable.

I’m in agony, the next few minutes that followed.

I took a cab on a ride home.

Doesn’t matter if the cabbie thinks I’m crazy.

I’m in tears.

I’m hurt, too.

But I miss you, badly.

I told you, I wouldn’t let the week pass without having to talk our issues through.

This time, I was the one who asked you to meet me; you obliged.

You promised you’d hold me, tight, in your arms.

I promised to shower you with kisses.

Were the promises kept?

Well, it was just you and me, alone...




at the 2^nd floor of a coffee shop...

So, what's it going to be?






  

Your move? or mine?

 

Priceless

So it’s been set…

A date with C… But to make it more fun, I tagged along some blogger friends—my little brother: Jay, and his best-friend Jerro.

We’re going to Star City, and I scored us four VIP Tags:

 So, what are there to pay for on a date like this?

Cab fare going to Gateway

Two MRT3 tickets

Two LRT1 tickets

Jeepney fare to Star City

Lunch for two at Kenny Rogers

A spiral potato fry

A bottle of mineral water

Photo printouts at Pirate Adventure

Dinner at Army Navy

A venti Iced Caramel Macchiato

A venti White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

Bus tickets for two, on a ride home

But as they say, there are things that money can’t buy, like:

Screaming our hearts out on the fun rides

Seeing him smile

Having one heck of a good time with blogger friends

Sharing a drink

Impressing him with my penmanship (using a catsup dispenser)

A long walk at Roxas Blvd (while holding hands)

Canoodling at Starbucks, Diamond Hotel

Stolen kisses

Snuggling in the bus

Watching him doodle

  

And of course, having a photo of me and him...

PRICELESS.

Sweet Nothings 7 – Of Hands to Hold

There was this one night, I was texting my youngest little brother in Blogspace. He scolded me and told me to get some sleep already. I told him not yet, because naglalandian pa kame ni C via text. Hahaha!

Anyways, on my Twitter Timeline, I've read that Nox posted a tweet that he misses RonRonTuron, and it kinda amplified how badly I miss C. Last I saw him was on Dec. 29.

P:         namimiss na ni Nox si RonRonTuRon.. :( na–miss tuloy kita lalo.. tengene.. :’(

C:         Ay sus. Sumabay pa. Anebeyen. Lika na nga. Let’s…

P:         *curls up beside C, and gives him a tight hug*

C:         Hihi. Tsalap naman nun. :*

P:         I long for you. I miss the way you cage me with your arms. I miss your soft lips.

C:         I miss how you hold my hands.

***

ANSABEEEEEEEEEEEH??!! Ako na ang masarap ka–holding hands! Hahahaha! :P