Fin

Before P went to this party a while ago, he asked C if they could hang out. To P’s surprise, C answered with a blatant,

No.

P was stunned.

I’m sorry.

Don’t bother.

They were ok yesterday, or so P thought. Then what happened between then and now?

A lot.

And C started with a litany of things that P couldn’t bear to read. On the way to the train station, P called him up again.

Hey…

Oh?

You wanna talk?

No.

Then there was silence… Neither of them talking… After a few minutes, C hanged up. He texted C, asking how they were.    

Is this the end? I’m seriously tired of trying to make it work. I’m tired of…

P was tearing up, and then the next words were blurred. Everything’s starting to get hazy.

On the way to the party, P was disoriented. He was walking, mindless of the street names. He, then, realized that he was going the wrong way.

He’s lost.

He called up his colleagues asking for directions. He couldn’t take it in. He couldn’t take anything in. His mind was blank.

Could you guys just pick me up somewhere? I think I’m really lost.

Lost.

He’s lost.

After about 10 minutes of walking, he saw his colleagues waving at him. He waved back.

Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

He gave out a faint smile. Its better his colleagues didn’t ask any more questions, and just went their way towards the venue of the party.

It’s a party. It’s supposed to be a joyous occasion. He tried his best to put his act together. He’s way better off as an actor, than that clown in front who's cracking up jokes, imitating people and pulling off his version of a stand-up comedy.

Three buckets of SML were served on the table. He thought of drowning himself with beer. Who cares if he couldn’t get up after? Who cares if he’d ever get home, safely?

            Di ka iinom, Nate? Ubusin natin ‘to?

            I’m ok, sige lang… I’ve work tomorrow…

At around 7PM, he doesn’t feel like partying anymore. He went to talk to the hostess of the party, and excused himself.

            Ok lang, Nate. Kung sabagay, we still have work tomorrow.

            Thanks, ah. See you at work tomorrow.

            Ingat ka, Nate.

This time, he couldn’t afford to walk mindlessly. He was alert at walking along the dim lit streets of San Juan.

Arriving home, P opened the door. Only to be bombarded with more questions by his brother.

            Oh, bat ang aga mo?

            Did the party end early?

            Bat mukha kang tuliro? Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

P didn’t answer the questions. He went straight to bed, hugged a pillow, and cried. He’s aching all over.

He’s hurt, badly.

But then, he felt the need to write about it. He thought it would be cathartic.

And so he did.

***

Back in high school, when we are studying Shakespeare, I remember a classmate making her own version of Thomas Mowbray’s line in Richard II. The line was supposed to be about honor and life. But, then, this particular classmate of mine chose to replace honor with love. She (classmate) wrote it in her notebook, and it read:

“Mine honour love is my life; both grow in one.
Take honour love from me, and my life is done.”

Done…

Done.

:’(

P.S. It’s supposed to be our 5^th monthsary on the 25^th