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Monday, January 23


Before P went to this party a while ago, he asked C if they could hang out. To P’s surprise, C answered with a blatant,


P was stunned.

I’m sorry.

Don’t bother.

They were ok yesterday, or so P thought. Then what happened between then and now?

A lot.

And C started with a litany of things that P couldn’t bear to read. On the way to the train station, P called him up again.



You wanna talk?


Then there was silence… Neither of them talking… After a few minutes, C hanged up. He texted C, asking how they were.    

Is this the end? I’m seriously tired of trying to make it work. I’m tired of…

P was tearing up, and then the next words were blurred. Everything’s starting to get hazy.

On the way to the party, P was disoriented. He was walking, mindless of the street names. He, then, realized that he was going the wrong way.

He’s lost.

He called up his colleagues asking for directions. He couldn’t take it in. He couldn’t take anything in. His mind was blank.

Could you guys just pick me up somewhere? I think I’m really lost.


He’s lost.

After about 10 minutes of walking, he saw his colleagues waving at him. He waved back.

Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

He gave out a faint smile. Its better his colleagues didn’t ask any more questions, and just went their way towards the venue of the party.

It’s a party. It’s supposed to be a joyous occasion. He tried his best to put his act together. He’s way better off as an actor, than that clown in front who's cracking up jokes, imitating people and pulling off his version of a stand-up comedy.

Three buckets of SML were served on the table. He thought of drowning himself with beer. Who cares if he couldn’t get up after? Who cares if he’d ever get home, safely?

            Di ka iinom, Nate? Ubusin natin ‘to?

            I’m ok, sige lang… I’ve work tomorrow…

At around 7PM, he doesn’t feel like partying anymore. He went to talk to the hostess of the party, and excused himself.

            Ok lang, Nate. Kung sabagay, we still have work tomorrow.

            Thanks, ah. See you at work tomorrow.

            Ingat ka, Nate.

This time, he couldn’t afford to walk mindlessly. He was alert at walking along the dim lit streets of San Juan.

Arriving home, P opened the door. Only to be bombarded with more questions by his brother.

            Oh, bat ang aga mo?

            Did the party end early?

            Bat mukha kang tuliro? Anong nangyari sa ‘yo?

P didn’t answer the questions. He went straight to bed, hugged a pillow, and cried. He’s aching all over.

He’s hurt, badly.

But then, he felt the need to write about it. He thought it would be cathartic.

And so he did.


Back in high school, when we are studying Shakespeare, I remember a classmate making her own version of Thomas Mowbray’s line in Richard II. The line was supposed to be about honor and life. But, then, this particular classmate of mine chose to replace honor with love. She (classmate) wrote it in her notebook, and it read:

“Mine honour love is my life; both grow in one.
Take honour love from me, and my life is done.”




P.S. It’s supposed to be our 5th monthsary on the 25th


shenanigans said...

nasa san juan ka pala that day. you could've texted me pra na hug kita and i-comfort ka kuya.

alam na alam ko yang pinagdadaanan mo halos magkasunod lang tyo :(

*hug then himas ang ulo* this too shall pass kuya, we're gonna get through with this *hold hands* together :)

Guyrony said...

And when all attempts had been executed...

All we can do is hope.

Isn't he worth your love, Nate?

Nate said...

@Shenanigans: kanina lang 'to, lil bro.. :'(

@Guyrony: i love him, G.. attempts? let's see if the attempts will work..

Leah. said...

:( I dunno what to say... I've been there, and I know how much it hurts. :( Cry, Nate. Just let it all out..

daredevilryinexile said...

sorry to hear about this nate. if you could get him back, do.

Gian said...

damn those 5ths, naito.

citybuoy said...

Oh sweetie.. you'll soon learn how difficult it is to write about the end of a love you were so proud of in your blog. I can only offer you virtual hugs and an invitation for coffee if you're up to it. that's all anyone can do.

(wait) that of course and read.. we'll keep reading just as long as you write. write until it feels better. write even if it doesn't. when all else fails, *huugs*

Désolé Boy said...

Every exit is an entrance to another place.
Don't give up yet. There's decency in fighting for love. I don't have many words to say. I'm not good at that. But I'm willing to listen. And please know that I've been there

many times. So don't you feel alone. No one should :D

Ms. Chuniverse said...

i'm speechless.


Leomer Apolonio said...

and I can't think of any words to write. hang in there buddy, everything will be alright.

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