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Wednesday, July 25

Moonlight Densetsu

Dear You,
                                    the radiant, beautiful moon.
                                This is for you, my love, my ever
                          dearest, the lovely creature who wrote my
                       name on the moon. I swear in the large shining
                   coin on the vast blanket of darkness & the glistening
                  stars that I would always lay my eyes and my beating
                heart in my chest on the constellation painted on your lips,
                the soft petals of the flowers plastered on your spine and
                the puff of white clouds on your fingertips. Each speaks of
                the beauty no one can really see until they look at you —
                the real you. And I swear, cross my heart, hope to die, to
                  the most radiant moon where you wrote my name, that
                    I would always and that I would never take my eyes
                      and my heart away from your never ending beauty.
                         For looking at you is never tiring and I swear to
                            the moon that I will always love your beauty.
                                   I swore to love you always with all
                                          my heart and my soul,
                                                   my dear.


~"Basta't kasama kita sa pangarap
Nadarama'y wala ngang katulad
Ligayang dulot nito sa aking puso
Sana ay di na magwakas"

Moonlight Densetsu (Tagalized)
Lyrics: Vehnee Saturno
Sung by: Angelika dela Cruz

Monday, July 23

Best Man

“Bilhan mo daw ng Jollibee si mama…”

I received a text from my youngest sibling; it’s six in the morning. Mother dear has arrived from her 2 weeks trip to Brunei to visit my twin brother. Two weeks, and she already misses eating fastfood stuff.

Even if I'm half-awake, I went to the nearest Jollibee to buy us breakfast.

She beamed when I got back. I guess she really missed Jollibee food.

“Nagmamadali ka ba?! Ba’t ang bilis mong kumain?”

“Mom, I’ve work at 8 AM.”

“Could you stay for a little while? May news ako.”

It must’ve been something important, because she put on a different face when she was about to break the news to me.

“Your brother and his girlfriend are engaged; they’re getting married on December.”

I was stunned.

“Ok.. so what are the plans? Anong arrangements ang kelangan?”

“They actually had it figured out. Almost everything is planned. They were just polishing other details of the wedding.”

I can sense a bit of sadness in her tone.

Women have this thing about weddings. And being the mother of the groom, she must’ve felt that she was left out, because it seemed she didn’t have a say on anything about the details of the wedding.

Then, I started to connect the dots.

The bride’s family (and I mean the whole family: father, mother, 3 brothers and 2 sisters), went to Brunei a week before my mom did. Maybe that was the plan. That was when my brother formally asked the family for the bride’s hand in marriage. My twin, then, had mom fly to Brunei, not to be involved, but just to be informed.

It must’ve crushed mom’s heart.

“So what’s your participation in the wedding preparations?”

“The program…”

“The program? Really mom? Not even the floral arrangements? Or maybe the female entourage’s gowns?”

“Just the program…”

“Oh my…”

Everything’s almost set:

The photographer,
The videographer,
The caterer,
The venue,
The motif,
The outfits,
The date,
The entourage…

“You’re the best man…”

Then reality sets in.


Pano ba maging best man?

Monday, July 9

Sorrow is When Joy Dies

“Nate, pwde kyo 2nyt? kta tayo”

It was a text from tita. We, previously, agreed to go to my cousin’s wake last night.

“san po tayo mag-meet? Wala pa po yung mga bros ko, baka ako lang..”

I had a long discussion with Louie, to convince him to go. But he declined, “Kelangan ba everyone’s there? Ikaw nalang. You should represent our family.”

That was my cue to snap, “Mahiya ka naman! Kamag-anak mo yun, pero inuna mo pang dalawin yung gf mo. Ano ba naman yung magpakita tayo dun para makiramay?”

In my head, a lot of thoughts were running, but I dare not say,

“Sana hindi langawin ang lamay at burol mo, if ever..”

“Pag namatay ka, tingin mo may pupunta sa libing mo? Pamilya mo at mga kamag-anak mo ang paniguradong andun”

“Wag sanang mangyari na pag namatay ka, tatanggihan din ng mga relatives natin na pumunta sa wake mo.. Bwiset!”

Breathed in, breathed out, then off I went to the funeral home.

The cabbie pulled over where my tita’s car was parked. After paying for the fare, I went out, and greeted my tita, her husband, and my niece & nephew.

“Akyat na po tayo, tita?”


Memories of my father’s wake flashed in my head, and somehow my chest felt heavy. I went inside the room, and looked around,

“Kayo lang po? Wala po si nanay nya?”

“Wala eh. Umuwi muna para kumuha ng mga damit pampalit.”

“Asan ang mga kapatid mo?”

“Wala po eh..”

I feel pathetic, in trying to cover up for my brothers who wouldn’t want to show up in the wake.

Aside from us, the newcomers, there were only 4 people in the room—those who were there to keep watch. There were no other guests.

It was a sad wake.

I went up front where Kuya Joy’s casket was. His real name is Carlito, but people call him Joy.

Alak, babae, droga, sugal—pretty much sums up his life. It sounds cliché, but that was how he chose to live his life.

“Halika kayo dito,” I called my young niece and nephew. But both of them were afraid. “C’mon, he just looks like he’s sleeping. Tara! He looks like Apl De Ap.”


            “Yes, c’mon!”

“Ay, oo nga,” both kids agreed.

Afterwards, I led the young ones outside. I let them play “1-2-3 pass” with a deck of cards, while the adults are discussing matters.

“Wala man lang akong narinig mula sa kahit isa sa inyo,” stammered Tito. He was the one who arranged for the wake and took care of some of the expenses.

“Kuya, ginagawan naman namin ng paraan. Ask Nate. We tried to contact our sisters sa States and Canada. Magpapadala naman daw sila,” answered Tita.

“Ni-isang text, wala akong natanggap mula sa inyo,” exclaimed Tito, “parang hindi nyo kamag-anak yung namatay. Makauwi na nga!”

Tito, then, bolted out.

It was not easy to make arrangements for the deceased. It’s rather expensive, especially to those people who are earning meager salaries.

“Don’t worry po, I’ll email our relatives sa States to ask for help. Nagrereply naman po sila sa emails.”

“Thanks, Nate.”

I went home with a heavy heart.

Good thing, C is still up. I needed to get my mind off of things that happened. But during the latter part of our conversations, a thought popped in my head, and I keyed–in:

If I die tonight, would you cry? Would you mourn for me?

But, then, it took me some time to decide on whether to press send or not. Should I? Or should I not?

I pressed cancel, and the following text convo ensued instead:

P:         :*
            nanyt babe..

C:         :*
            Nanyts! :*

P:         i love you, and i miss you.. :*

C:         Awe me too. Miss you!

I put the phone away, curled up, closed my eyes, and tried to get some sleep.

C misses me. I guess he’ll miss me, when I die.

Sunday, July 1


A chirp followed by a chirp led to a train wreck.
But it’s nice to know that I have people around me, who care.
Thanks a lot for having my back...

You know who you are.

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