Curtain Falls

All things must come to end, as they say. And since most people are writing yearender posts, I decided that I might hop in to the bandwagon as well.

2011 has been quite an interesting year for me. It’s nice to look back and reminisce on the things that happened throughout the year. There have been ups and downs, yes, but there are a lot of things to be thankful.

A summary of my year would be as follows:

January

            Got regularized in my new company

            Elected as Corporate Secretary of the Board

February

            First time to travel in Mindanao; went on an OB Trip to Dipolog by myself, met new friends and seen new places

            Joined a new team for a project at work

March

            SpongeBob started telling stories about Baller

April

            Blogger meetup with Eon & Jerron, Ayla, and Jean.

May

            Struggles at work, with my boss, with new teammates.

            Company Summer Outing

June

            Had a hard time in adjusting to the Department Re–structuring

            Put up a blog, and posted my first entry; thanks to my Muses, most especially si Alter.

July

            Got transferred to a new team

            Got promoted

August

            My little brother’s birthday                

            Met the love of my life, days after my birthday

            Got caught up in a couple of messes

            Attended Fairy Godmother’s wedding, and got a book

September

            1^st monthsary with C

October

            Tagged C along to a company event, and enjoyed commuting with him

            2^nd monthsary with C

November

            Spent Halloween by myself

            Threw a surprise party for C

            3^rd monthsary with C

December

            Impromptu hosting of department Christmas Party

            Threw a surprise party for Lady in Black

            Attended Baller’s wedding

            Blogger meetup with Ronron, Nox, Yas, Nishiboy

 company Christmas Party

            Blogger meetup with Jay and Jerro

            4^th monthsary with C

            Got my new baby

As the curtain falls for 2011, let us all be thankful for everything; the experiences, new friends, trials & triumphs, blessings, and the love coming from our loved ones.

Goodbye, 2011.

Hello 2012!

Baby

Before the year ends, I wanted to give myself a treat; something that would remind me of how the year has been.

And so, here it is… Meet my new baby, Pontifex:

*since I can't think of a name, I asked C and he named it

By the Bedroom Mirror, I Conversed with Myself

Was I overracting?

Was I reading too much between the lines?

Should I be contented when you say you’re ok? Was it supposed to shut me up?

Am I not allowed to dig deeper?

 

I want to understand.

I need to decipher you.

I want to know you more, but when I try, you pull away.

Is love enough to fix things?

I hope it is…

Because if it’s not, then I don’t know…

***

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

~Fix You, Coldplay

*photo from here

Four

Just before I went to sleep, I received a text message:

“Thank you for somehow distracting me with my mundane life babe. I’m so happy to just share it with someone I love. There’s nothing more I can ask for.”

It moved me to tears, but it made me smile at the same time.

***

He sang me a song; a familiar one. But when he sang it, it sounded differently.

I guess that’s how a song is supposed to sound, when someone you love dedicates it to you; coming from the heart.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love…

***

Then, I replied with:

“All my life, I’ve always wondered how it is to be in love and be loved in return.. ganito pala yun.. masaya pala talaga! I’m happy that you came, and added color to my monochromatic life.”

Happy 4^th monthsary, C!

&

Merry Christmas!

Breather

What if could run away?

What if I could break free?

Liberation calls, who would step forward?

I’d be the first; that would be me.

~Asphyxia

***

One of my little brothers texted me, and asked how I was. He was alarmed; he thought it has something to do with me & C. He was eased to know that we’re ok, and it’s not about that.

These past few weeks, I’ve had way too much going on. I guess this is the price I pay for the being the “pa–bibo.” It taught me well that, sometimes, it’s ok to not accept too much responsibility than I could handle.

Is there anyone else out there?

Why has it all been about me?

Why are people afraid to step forward?

Are they scared of committing? Of accountability?

I’ve 3 major events coming up, and I’ve major participations in those events. I have worked my ass off to put it all together, till people start to back off from responsibilities. Excuses. Lame excuses. I mean, why now? Why not during the earlier parts of the preparations? I felt abandoned.

Too much on weight on my shoulders

Too much food on my plate

My filled cup spills over

I’m almost fed up, and this I hate

So, I have to step up, and continue what they’ve started. Delegation is no good, when you’ve no one else to delegate to, but yourself. It was tiring.

Judging eyes have scattered

Lapses, misconstrues, and faults they see

I am beginning to falter

I need room to breathe

Emails after emails, texts after texts flowed incessantly. Side comments. Hushes. Whisper–a–sides. Violent reactions.

I’m starting to crumble.

Where did I go wrong?

For me, it’s ok to trust than to have not trusted at all. The good in me would always try to look for the best in people. I trust these people. I believe in their talents. I know they would help me see these projects through. But then, again, they have failed me. And in effect, I’m gradually failing.

I want a break.

I need a break.

I need to get out, and take a breather.

Then, came Baller’s wedding. This is my chance.

First stop, Baguio…

It’s fun going there without an itinerary. We got to do random stuff. But we couldn’t really move around too much, because of FairyGodmother… She’s 2 months pregnant.

Anyway, just when I thought I got away… NOT REALLY. I still respond to calls and emails, but I talk to the right people. I delegate tasks to the ones that could really deliver.

Lesser stress.

The next day, we left the hotel, late. So we hurried our way to the bus station to get some chance passenger tickets going to Pangasinan. FGM’s hubby and another colleague went to get tickets while I watch over her. While waiting,

“Asan si bf mo? Bakit di mo sinama?”

“I invited him. But he has stuff to do eh…”

“Asus, baka nahihiya…”

“Yah, I guess that too...”

Awkward. She could’ve seen her face at how hard it is for her to look fine while establishing a conversation.

“So what did you get for your dearest?” (We call each other, dear. So for some reason, she called C, dearest)

“Uhm, ayun… Kahit ano daw eh…”

Then, I received a text from C and showed it to FGM: Hihi. I miss you na. *insert sad puppy dog eyes here*

“Awe… ang sweet… Anong reply mo?”

“Wala…”

“Anong wala? Adik ‘to… Replyan mo…”

So I replied with: Awe… :* I’ll be home soon…

Then C texted back with: Yehey! Tapos can we get married na rin? Hihihi.

FGM liked the idea of C and I getting married. She even offered her help, “Ako na bahala sa photographer and videographer!”

A few minutes later, our bus arrived and it’s time to go… Next stop, Baller’s wedding…

We actually didn’t make it to the church ceremony, so we decided to go straight to the Reception. Apparently, we’re too early for the reception.

Baller and his wife were happy to see us.

After the Reception, I immediately took the first bus that would pass, going to Manila.

C was partying the night away while I’m in transit to Manila.

I arrived home at 1 AM, C got home 8 AM.

Away ba ito? Or not?