Breather

What if could run away?

What if I could break free?

Liberation calls, who would step forward?

I’d be the first; that would be me.

~Asphyxia

***

One of my little brothers texted me, and asked how I was. He was alarmed; he thought it has something to do with me & C. He was eased to know that we’re ok, and it’s not about that.

These past few weeks, I’ve had way too much going on. I guess this is the price I pay for the being the “pa–bibo.” It taught me well that, sometimes, it’s ok to not accept too much responsibility than I could handle.

Is there anyone else out there?

Why has it all been about me?

Why are people afraid to step forward?

Are they scared of committing? Of accountability?

I’ve 3 major events coming up, and I’ve major participations in those events. I have worked my ass off to put it all together, till people start to back off from responsibilities. Excuses. Lame excuses. I mean, why now? Why not during the earlier parts of the preparations? I felt abandoned.

Too much on weight on my shoulders

Too much food on my plate

My filled cup spills over

I’m almost fed up, and this I hate

So, I have to step up, and continue what they’ve started. Delegation is no good, when you’ve no one else to delegate to, but yourself. It was tiring.

Judging eyes have scattered

Lapses, misconstrues, and faults they see

I am beginning to falter

I need room to breathe

Emails after emails, texts after texts flowed incessantly. Side comments. Hushes. Whisper–a–sides. Violent reactions.

I’m starting to crumble.

Where did I go wrong?

For me, it’s ok to trust than to have not trusted at all. The good in me would always try to look for the best in people. I trust these people. I believe in their talents. I know they would help me see these projects through. But then, again, they have failed me. And in effect, I’m gradually failing.

I want a break.

I need a break.

I need to get out, and take a breather.

Then, came Baller’s wedding. This is my chance.

First stop, Baguio…

It’s fun going there without an itinerary. We got to do random stuff. But we couldn’t really move around too much, because of FairyGodmother… She’s 2 months pregnant.

Anyway, just when I thought I got away… NOT REALLY. I still respond to calls and emails, but I talk to the right people. I delegate tasks to the ones that could really deliver.

Lesser stress.

The next day, we left the hotel, late. So we hurried our way to the bus station to get some chance passenger tickets going to Pangasinan. FGM’s hubby and another colleague went to get tickets while I watch over her. While waiting,

“Asan si bf mo? Bakit di mo sinama?”

“I invited him. But he has stuff to do eh…”

“Asus, baka nahihiya…”

“Yah, I guess that too...”

Awkward. She could’ve seen her face at how hard it is for her to look fine while establishing a conversation.

“So what did you get for your dearest?” (We call each other, dear. So for some reason, she called C, dearest)

“Uhm, ayun… Kahit ano daw eh…”

Then, I received a text from C and showed it to FGM: Hihi. I miss you na. *insert sad puppy dog eyes here*

“Awe… ang sweet… Anong reply mo?”

“Wala…”

“Anong wala? Adik ‘to… Replyan mo…”

So I replied with: Awe… :* I’ll be home soon…

Then C texted back with: Yehey! Tapos can we get married na rin? Hihihi.

FGM liked the idea of C and I getting married. She even offered her help, “Ako na bahala sa photographer and videographer!”

A few minutes later, our bus arrived and it’s time to go… Next stop, Baller’s wedding…

We actually didn’t make it to the church ceremony, so we decided to go straight to the Reception. Apparently, we’re too early for the reception.

Baller and his wife were happy to see us.

After the Reception, I immediately took the first bus that would pass, going to Manila.

C was partying the night away while I’m in transit to Manila.

I arrived home at 1 AM, C got home 8 AM.

Away ba ito? Or not?