Ads 468x60px

Saturday, July 2

Evil Fairy Godmother-turned-Matchmaker Part 1

I must admit, this is really none of his business... But the Fairy Godmother confided in him about feeling guilty of what she did which affected a friend of his... She asked him for an advice because it’s bothering her... That's when it became his business. Yes, it’s him already! He has always been the person that people run to for advices, a shoulder to cry on, or simply someone to hear them out. He is Sponge...Bob.


She's getting married this year (the Fairy Godmother), and she's quite busy with the wedding preparations. She and her man didn't exactly click the first time they met. But, I guess, they were destined to be together, and share a promise of forever. Theirs is a love story that’s six years and counting…

“So who’s Fairy Godmother? What’s her deal?”  I asked SpongeBob.

“She's the younger daughter; therefore spoiled (My apologies to those "bunsos" out there... forgive SpongeBob’s sharp tongue. He didn’t mean it.). In her case, though, she's admitted that she is, indeed, spoiled. She went to an exclusive school for girls, so yeah, she's bisexual, but she fell madly in love with a straight guy.”

But this is not plainly about the Fairy Godmother... It's also about her bestfriend, Ms. Flawless, and SpongeBob’s guy friend, the Baller. So, here's a backgrounder about the two:

“I don't know much about Ms. Flawless. I mean, she is Fairy Godmother's friend anyway,” said SpongBob. “But, what I do know about her is that, she is, yes flawless. Angelic face, pore-less skin, and, my gosh, the bone structure,” said SpongeBob. (Then I thought: Uhm, Madam Chuni? Is this you?)

­“And the catch? She's single and very much available…”

Now, the Baller is actually a new friend of SpongeBob. Yes, as you've probably guessed by now, he’s into sports - volleyball, badminton, and of course, his fave sport... basketball. I dunno, but there's something about him that made them, immediately, click (him & SpongeBob)… Maybe because he's genuinely nice, or maybe it's because of his charm, and his looks…

SpongeBob:  “Although, he's a quarter of an inch short of the coveted 6-feet height, he’s other physical features make up for it. He has even-toned russet skin, broad shoulders, carpeted chest, strong arms, size 14 shoe size, and is roguishly handsome. But wait, there's more!”

And I’m like, “For real?” SpongeBob shot a stare at me (read: Shut up! I’m still talking!). I kept silent so that he could continue…

“He is a gentleman, he is family oriented, and he’s protective of his sister; even if his sister is older than him. Another thing about him is his honesty. It's refreshing to talk to a guy, ask him questions, and he would answer – straight up, no frills, no bullsh*t, just pure honesty. It's frightening to ask him questions.”

Then I interjected, “Are we even talking about a real person here? By the way you tell it, seems like he’s a demigod…” I laughed afterwards. It’s just fun to see SpongeBob’s face when he’s babbling about stuff and then I’d suddenly cut his stories with my comments. He has this face. Moving on…

“Perfect? He's not. He's just as flawed as the next guy, and he admits it. I remember him telling me that guys have an ultimate rule: "Never admit that you cheat." Or as how he puts it: "Oo na, aaminin ko na… Ako na ang pumatay kay Magellan, ako na ang nag-utos na ipapatay si Rizal… Pero, sasabihin ko sa 'yo… hindi kita niloloko…" “Ang kyot!!” said SpongeBob in a rather giggly manner.

“What’s cute about that?! He’s a pathological liar! I don’t buy that crap.” said I.

“Basta… It’s the way he delivered his lines. With a handsome face that looks sorry plus the puppy dog eyes staring right at you, believe me, Nate… Anyone would buy that…” said SpongeBob, who’s obviously biased.

I just shook my head in disagreement.

It's a no-no for the guy and his buddies (to admit cheating). His buddies would even cover up for him. Cliche as it may sound, he's a guy… and he is just being a guy... (ok, ladies and ladies-at-heart… you can kill him now… torture him or whatever… hang him on a tree or crucify him & his buddies, if you must…)

From what I recall, he's had his time during college… He's a fratboy, he's a basketball varsity player, and he’s popular. Being the flawed guy that he is, he shifted thru different courses, goes to class intoxicated, goes home wasted, been involved in a couple of drunken fights and frat wars, got arrested, and to top it off, he impregnated his, then, girlfriend. As how SpongeBob recalls him saying it,”Nag-try lang ako nun, I experimented (pertaining to unprotected sex). Eh totoo pala, may nabuo eh…” He’s now a father to a beautiful 4 year old girl. Karma? I guess. ”Pambayad utang,” as how they say it.

Another catch is that, he has a girlfriend for 3 years now (and I’m not talking about his baby mama).

Me: “So how did Baller & Ms. Flawless meet?”

SpongeBob: “Well, I was invited to Fairy Godmother’s wedding, and so was he. Ms. Flawless is one of the bridesmaids. Baller saw a photo of her on Fairy Godmother’s computer, and he showed interest in her. Fairy Godmother hooked them up.”


One typical morning at work, Fairy Godmother approached SpongeBob…

 “Uhm, hey SpongeBob!” she greeted.

“Oh, hi! What’s up?” asked SpongeBob.

“Uhm, I think I did something wrong,” answered Fairy Godmother.

Being the self–proclaimed “shrink” that he is, he took this as cue. “Ok, go on…” said SpongeBob.

Ms. Flawless and Fairy Godmother had a deep conversation last night… and the topic? Life, love, and happiness. Ms. Flawless admitted she was so jealous of her getting married. She wants that. She wants to be wed with someone she’s madly in love with. She wants to have kids and raise a family. She wants to grow old and gray with a guy she loves. Unfortunately, that guy is nowhere in the picture. She’s afraid of growing old alone. Then, an “idea bulb” lit on Fairy Godmother’s head. The first guy that she thought of was Baller.

“Cause I remember him asking me who the girl is on the pictures in my Bridesmaids folder, particularly pointing on Ms. Flawless.”

She called him up to ask, no insist, erm—persistently insist that Baller should meet Ms. Flawless. The Baller was drunk that night, and got irritated at the way Fairy Godmother pushed the idea. He hung up on her. She could tell he was pissed off.

“I felt guilty about what I did…” said the worrisome Fairy Godmother. “I think he’s mad at me. Could you go talk to him?”

“I’ll try…” answered SpongeBob in a monotone.

"I still believe in fairy tales and happily ever after... That's how I am... I want my friend to have the same happy ending that I have...” exclaimed Fairy Godmother in an attempt to rationalize her case to SpongeBob.

Who would’ve thought that the Fairy Godmother could get any more selfish than she already is? Is it worth it to have a happy ending for Ms. Flawless in exchange of ruining Baller’s relationship with his girlfriend of 3 years? Traits of spoiled brat/ selfish b*tch? You decide.

So what happened next?

Well, I guess, I could say, it’s for him (SpongeBob) to know, and for me to find out... :P

No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts