Beguiled

His sweetness is matched

With flowery words

A lethal mix, indeed

Both of us gave in,

The dalliance went on

Almost swept us on our feet

He told me this

He told me that

His aspirations and his dream

He, then, flicked fire

To which I played

Then I flickered back to him

And on he played

With his flute of gold

To lure me inside his fort

Woe to me

I was ensnared

No, I was enamored

To the harmonies he played

I was spellbound

And to his charms I bent

Alas, it was what he turned me into

A creature that slithers

A serpent

~my entry for Magpie Tales

*photo credit:

The Snake Charmer by Henri Rousseau, 1907

Courtesy of Tess Kincaid

Sweet Nothings 1 - Of Sweets and Cheeses

 

WARNING:  Read at your own risk... Masyadong cheesy at corny… NAKAMAMATAY! :P

One morning, while P was sipping his cup of coffee at the office canteen, suddenly a familiar Carpenters song filled the air. While humming along, he immediately grabbed his phone and texted someone...

P:

“When there’s no getter over that rainbow

When my smallest dreams won’t come true

I can take all the madness the world has to give

But I won’t last a day without you” *teary–eyed*

:*

C:

Weh, kelangan super cheesy? :*

Hihihi. :*

P:

            ‘to nmn, panira ng mood! Hmf!

            gnun tlga… Kelngan overload ng cheesiness… ahahahaha!

 hihihihi… i love you, C.. :*

C:

Hahaha. :*

Love you P! :*

***

I WON’T LAST A DAY WITHOUT YOU

Carpenters

Day after day, I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there

Chorus:

When there's no gettin' over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

So many times when the city seems to be
Without a friendly face, a lonely place
It's nice to know that you'll be there if I need you
And you'll always smile, it's all worthwhile

Touch me and I end up singing
Trouble seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
When you're near, my love

If all my friends have forgotten half their promises

They're not unkind, just hard to find
One look at you and I know
That I must learn to live without the rest
I've found the best

Descent

It was the day Fairy Godmother ties the knot with her long time boyfriend. SpongeBob and I were waiting for two more friends who would go with us to attend the wedding ceremony in one of the churches inside the Walled City.

Three o’clock in the afternoon was the agreed call time. I was there at the meeting place first, followed by SpongeBob. I checked my phone for the time, and it says 3:30PM. “We’re running late. Tch... tch.. tch,” I told myself. The Ceremony starts at four in the afternoon.

I got bored in waiting for the others, so I decided to check out the book sale at NBS. There’s a stack of books on sale for less than a hundred pesos, so I went in to check it. Among the pile, a certain book caught my eye:

 And I got for…

*drumroll*

Thirty pesos.

***

This acutely funny, intelligent and unsettling novel charts the trajectory of a woman’s life and a couple’s relationship during the last decade of the twentieth century. Against a backdrop of seismic nineties, and framed by the Lockerbie air disaster and the attack on the Twin Towers, it’s the story of Genevieve O’Dowd, a strangely unaware psychiatric nurse, a wife, a mother, daughter, who’s trying to keep a whole lot of stuff airborne while things fall apart, inside and out.

Her husband Mark is a filmmaker, usually absent, on small–budget art films (The Snow Queen) in out–of–the–way places. But as his career takes off, and star–vehicle big budget movies beckon (Hans Andersen can always be upscaled), her life stalls on babies, breastfeeding, builders. This is her narrative, addressed to him, trying to make sense of their lives and the forces — external and internal, family history and genetics, ambition and domesticity — which pull them apart. Her work, which drives her nuts but keeps her sane, her anarchic friend and colleague Sid and that sad, crazed women in their charge provide a hilarious, heartbreaking backdrop to a world going off the rails.

Veering between farce and tragedy, and set in London and on various flight paths and film locations around the globe, this tale of marriage and mortar, love and lobotomies, DNA and denial is a dazzling debut novel — unputdownable, funny and piercingly sad.

***

The book ends in a chapter which is dated the same day as the terrorist attack on the towers of the World Trade Center. In that last chapter, as the Twin Towers turn into rubble, so does the protagonist's marriage.

And in commemoration of the 9/11 incident, I’d like to post the said chapter.

11^th September 2001

Tongue–tied, we avoid one another’s eyes and busy ourselves with tasks that allow us to keep our backs turned. I tape up the last of the moving boxes and write on them. Kitchen. Bathroom. Bedroom.

            

            I look out at the sky. A wide expanse of afternoon September blue. You turn the radio on to fill the silence. President Bush has snubbed Blair’s request for peace talks on Palestine. A plane has flown into a building in New York.

            

            I see Catullus go in your bag, watch the nape of your nice and wait for the oyster reflex of pain. It doesn’t come.

I hate and I love.

            And if you ask me how,

I do not know;

            I only feel it, and I’m torn in two.

You feel your pockets. Ticket. Passport. Phone. I move my eyes to look at you. Your face is lowered. You check the time.

            Your mobile rings. The landline rings. Your cab blows its horn outside.

Wedged

A storm of love & affection passed by,

And swept us on our feet

A hurricane of trials followed through,

It devastated a friendship, almost ruined a dream 

 

With the sudden blow of mishaps that happened,

Trust was broken, feelings were hurt

I have high hopes for reconciliation, for forgiveness

And not of bitterness, or of bridges burnt

When the inundation has abated,

And subsided the flood that once was deep

We’d figure, we’re wedged with each other

For you, for me, for us; that’s all we need

“Let’s just enjoy every moment," in my ear you whispered,

"I'm not afraid anymore, and you know it's true"

"At night it’s a relief to put out the light," I whispered back,

"And lie enclosed in the warmth of you.”

~my entry for Magpie Tales

Of a Moment, a Dream, and a Setting

"I long to have a conversation with you. I long to stop and be still in one place for a while, but we’d always try to find a place somewhere. On we go, further, until we’ve found the perfect setting."

***

       Lying on my side in the minty moistness of meadow grass, a picnic of green tea, ham, bacon, eggs, and bread half eaten beside me, I watch you through the broad blades of bright grass where insects clamber and wait. You are bent as you try to wash your hands by the grove of blossoms that borders the stream. The only noise apart from your voice, singing, is the rush of water over stones. I should reach for the camera to record this moment but I don’t lift my head.

       I roll on my back and close my eyes. Like time going backwards I can feel the skin of my face drinking in the light of the sun. A bird sings somewhere nearby. And I think that happiness is not a destination or a place that can be inhabited like a home. It’s a moment, like this one. A small moment. A spell.

Burnt

It started out as something plain. Then what was plain turned to something more complex. The one who started the flicker of fire has flowery words. I was ensnared, and the dalliance went on. What I thought was just harmless, apparently wreaked havoc. Then, it hit me. I have inflicted hurt (60% mindful, 40% unknowingly). There were prying eyes, yes, and I have been warned. Truth is, one of the prying eyes turned out to be the “direct hit”, the victim.

***

It seemed just like just one of those calls, although, with this one, I sensed the caller’s urgency. The caller was discreet in making the conversation flow from one topic to another. Then, the caller went straight to the main reason of the call. That’s when the caller revealed, that he was, indeed, the victim.

This is it—the dreaded confrontation. The accumulated flickers of fire I toyed with, inevitably, set me ablaze, and burnt me.

Fight or flight?

Neither.

I apologized, and asked for forgiveness.

***

This was not the confrontation that I was expecting, though. I was expecting a confrontation with someone else. Someone I was close to; who I considered as family. This is the longest that I haven’t heard from that person, and it pains me. I hope that a few days of being quiet towards me would not turn into a silence of a hundred years.

To you:

Hurl me with the sharpest of spears and shoot me with the most poisonous of arrows, and I tell you, I will take it, all of it; and endure it if I must. Rally an army against me, I do not care. For they know not of what really transpired and how really hurt each of us is. Bring not the war to an inhabited forest full of gossip-mongers. Instead, let the battleground be in the middle of a desert, where an oasis is nearby. So that only the two of us could battle in a duel, and whoever wins would not end the life of the other. Instead, he would let him take a drink from the oasis, allow him to clean his wounds, and shake his hand after, like how a true warrior should treat an opponent. (I guess no one really wins… But things have to be sorted, straightened out, and settled)

The silence that you kept and the war that you waged have to stop.

---

And I just want you to know, that after all that’s said and done, it still doesn’t change the fact that I miss you… Badly… And I still want us to be friends.








photo from here...

If Love is a Battlefield

“Gladiators going to a battle unprepared are paramount to suicide. Fear is inevitable but the situation will dictate you to man up, and own the battlefield. Whether you decide to survive and die is your choice, it's kill or be killed. The world is cruel, there's no way anyone can change that. As much as you try to be kind, you'll always end up choosing: to hurt someone or to get hurt by someone. It is a natural reaction to be selfish, but it’s not enough to be a reason to inflict pain to others. Sometime, apologies will never suffice.”

***

The moment Brent saw Brian; he knew that he found himself a friend. He’s nothing like him; they were exact opposites. But one thing he is sure of, though… Brian is a good guy. And so he befriended him.

During the process, Brent found out that even if Brian’s personality is the different from him, they still have a lot of things in common. Even if they don’t see each other often, they see to it that they communicate. Brent would check out on Brian, and Brian would tell Brent of his whereabouts. They were as closely–knit as they could possibly get. They were inseparable. They’re like family.

There even came a time that Brent came to the rescue when Brian’s relationship started to crumble. It was a low time for Brian, and Brent did all the things he possibly could to help Brian save his relationship with his partner.

It was supposed to be a cool–off between Brian and his partner—a time for Brian to rethink and weigh things that happened and hopefully, fix it. But apparently, Brian was having something on the sides. It was something that Brent detests about Brian; on how instead of fixing things with his partner, he decided to fool around with someone else.

“What is it that Brian saw with this someone?” Brent thought to himself. The “someone” must have had something that Brian’s partner didn’t have so Brian decided to somewhat “take a plunge.”

One day, the test of friendship began.

Brent tried to communicate with Shane, Brian’s someone else. He asked Shane if he is friends with Brian. Suddenly, all hell broke loose. Brian succumbed to paranoia. Word vomits were hurled at Brent, and then, the inevitable happened—Brian shut him out.

Silence. Utter silence.

Apparently, Brian took it against Brent that he communicated with Shane. There was no harm on Brent’s intent. He just wanted to understand what is going on with his dear friend. He tried to reach Brian, but it seems like he doesn’t want to be reached. Brent begged him for forgiveness, but to no avail. It bugged him.

It was a sleepless night for Brent. He felt the need to do something. He turned on his laptop and started to compose an email for Brian. He sent it in the hopes that Brian would hear his plea and reconsider the friendship. The morning after, he heard from Brian. Brent was forgiven, and they had some discussions. Then, Brent opened the idea of letting go of the friendship. He admitted he was weak, and another episode of a shaky friendship would tear him apart.

“I’m thinking of letting you go,” said Brent and he continued, “If you won’t fix yourself & your relationship like you’re supposed to, then probably your partner would let you go, too. But, then again, there’s Shane. How’s that in replacement of me and your partner?”

Silly Brent… He came out too strong with his statement. Brian had a rebuttal. He thinks that his partner won’t leave him, and that he would be sad in letting go of his friendship with Brent.

With this in mind, Brent took his words back regarding leaving his friend. It is a trying time for Brian and his partner. This is certainly the worst time to leave. Brian welcomed Brent back with open arms and moved on from what happened. In the end, Brent was right. It was, indeed the end for Brian and his partner; much of it because of Brian’s fault. Had Brent left his friend, Brian could’ve lost two people close to him in just one night.

After this, everything was back to normal for the knot–tie friends.

On the other hand, days go by, Brent and Shane went on with getting to know each other, and Brian was aware of it. Brent and Shane instantly clicked. Then one night,

Brent:   “Hi there!”

Shane:  “Brent, here’s my number… Just text me.”

It started out with just texting, then flirting. Flirting turned to sweet nothings, and then turned to more intimate & caring messages.

“You were right,” said Brent to Brian in trying to start a conversation, “your friend, Shane, he really is like what told me. He really is spontaneous, sweet, caring, and would shower you with all the attention you want.”

And Brent went on and on about the things he found out about his new friend. But Brian seems disinterested: “Oh, he’s like that, huh?”

After this, like the usual, Brian went silent; this time, longer than the usual.

With the passing days, Brent & Shane’s closeness grew. “I like you, there I said it,” uttered Shane and this stunned Brent and he wondered, could it be? Could it be that Shane is starting to fall for him? “So, are we...?” continued Shane.

“Hold your question. Let’s meet tonight, and I might just give an answer,” said Brent.

And so they arranged to meet. That night, they made things official. Now, the dilemma comes. How are they going to tell Brian about it? It’s just sad that every time they’d meet, Brian would always be part of the topic.

Days after, Brian started talking to both Brent and Shane again.

“Would it be too much if I’d ask you to end whatever it is that you and Brian have?” asked Brent. “This is going to be hard,” said Shane and continued “he just started to connect to us again. Telling him now would drive him away.” So, Brent didn’t pressure Shane on this, although he knows this would take time.

One morning, Brian started a conversation with Brent. The conversation branched from one topic to Brent’s relationship status, and he told Brian he’s taken. From the looks of it, Brian seemed surprised. He even made sure that Brent is indeed taken by asking who Brent’s partner is. Brent tried to be as subtle as he possibly could, but he gave Brian some hints (thinking he is his friend, and he deserves to know).

After that talk, Brent told Shane about the discussion with Brian. And how Brian told him, “he is ready, even for the unexpected”. With that being said, Shane gathered all the courage he could get and broke the news to Brian.

Shane felt shitty.

Brian was infuriated.

“Brent, I told him already; he’s mad at you” said Shane in a tone almost near to tears, “I need you.” Without another word, Brent rushed to where Shane was, and they talked. Shane explained that Brian wanted him to be with someone else. “I think there’s really nothing for Brian to be mad about. I mean, you were not an item, and what you had was barely a relationship. Plus the fact that he let you go, and told you to invest your feelings to someone else means that he has nothing to do with you,” said Brent.

“I felt bad that it seemed to him that I was evil, and that I got in the way of your friendship. Well I told him, I’m just like summer,” said Shane. “Summer? Like that movie?” asked Brent.

“I hope it won’t just be 500 days for us two,” purred Brent.

“It won’t… it won’t,” Shane purred back.

“Promise?” asked Brent.

“Promise!” answered Shane.

They sealed that promise with a kiss.

“Well, get through this,” said Brent, tilting Shane’s head so that Shane could lie on his shoulder. “Promise you’ll never leave me, or I’ll kill you,” threatened Shane. “I promise, I’ll just be here,” assured Brent followed by a soft kiss on Shane’s lips. They cuddled their way to comfort each other, and decided to spend the night together.

When the morning came, the aftermath of the events detonated a nuclear warhead and exploded on both Brent and Shane.

This was it.

Brian raised a red flag and declared war.

---

But Brent & Shane wanted peace, and hoisted a white flag instead. They wanted a truce.