Lil' Bro

Though I have a biological little brother, we weren’t close; maybe because of the traditions from where my father was from. My father was eldest of nine siblings. Back there, the first child’s male offspring shall be called kuya. So, even if my cousins are way older than I am, they call me kuya. My little brother never called me kuya (dahil kaming magkakapatid ang kinu–“kuya”), but I got the hang of it as we grew up.

Because of that, I've always wanted to have a tie-close little brother. An instant playmate. Someone who'd follow my command without questions. Someone who would look up to me (Justy, I suddenly thought of you and your post). Someone who'd call my name, when he needs help. Someone to protect from bullies. A partner in crime. A side kick. An instant ally.

So, to Joe, my little brother here in Blogspace, this one's for you:

This Road is foreboding to this lil' boy’s eyes,

And as unpredictable and unstable as it seems,

A path he chose to take, though he painstakingly resisted

But it’s where he found love; it is where he found peace 

‘Tis music and instruments that bond him and his old man

His mentoring, like that of a king lion to a prince cub

Though to his father’s occasional absence, he blamed the man that he became

But instead of hate, he chose to honor him; instead of loathe, the lil' boy utters love.

“Let not the world despise you for your youth,”

An advice I would give to the precocious young man

“Be carefree, fool around, but learn life lessons as proof

In your heart must reside your dreams, in your mind lay down your plans.”

A bright future ahead of him, a world to conquer at his will

With his broad wings ready to spread out and flap

He has aspirations; he has plans, and a bucket list to fulfill

It turns out, the lil' boy is now a grown–up

***

Consider this as a gift, unless you really want something tangible... Hahaha! I hope you'll like it... *hugs*

Happy 22^nd Birthday, bunso!

-Kuya Nate

Withered Beauty

The one who created me called me beautiful,

Apple of the eyes

A vision

A sight to behold

I was young once,

Vibrant

Robust

Full of life

Then I blossomed to maturity

Dainty

Delicate

An epitome of beauty

Loved by many, envied by most

Now, I’m past my prime

Aged

Frail

Weathered

Time has passed me by

They say beauty withers, therefore I am.

~my entry for Magpie Tales

Riley Part 2

 “Just in case you’d wanna know, I’d like to tell you what happened next, but maybe some other time; when I’ve already gathered enough strength. This letter is already getting too painful to write.” ~Riley Part 1

***

Dear Riley,

Hi there! So, like I said, this is the part where I tell you what happened next… Here it goes…

Wake, Day 1

I received a text from Sweet, she’s asking if maybe we could meet up and go together on your wake. I went to this mall where I was supposed to meet her, and there she was… waiting. I haven’t seen Sweet for like 2 years already. I hugged her tight, gave her a beso, and we started walking towards the taxi bay. While walking, she slides her hand from the usual abra-siete, to clasp my hand. I looked towards her. She smiled. I smiled back. She hasn’t seen you since after we graduated from high school. I could tell she was scared.

Outside the mausoleum, I saw 2 people from our barkada, and the four of us went inside. “2^nd floor daw ano?” asked one. “Yes, 2^nd floor.” I answered. This was it. The eerie guest book lecter beside the door with your name on it gave me the shivers. After signing, we opened the doors and let ourselves in.

Inside, your aunt was all smiles in greeting us:

 “Good evening, friends kayo ni Riley?” she asked.

“Yes po,” we answered.

“Sige, have a seat. Wala pa kasi si Riley. Mga 8 PM pa siguro.”

I looked around and saw a couple of our batch mates and other members of our barkada. There were also people from other year levels back in high school who shared memories of you, in way one or another. Yes, it really was the grand reunion that you wished for. Almost everyone was in there.

While waiting for you, a video presentation was playing. I think a cousin of yours managed to gather happy photos of you and compiled them to a video. There were even other videos of you fooling around, making fun of others, or getting drunk—the happy times. After the happy times, there was this video of you, in the hospital. I’m sorry, but I fought back my tears… I told myself, “Not yet, not just yet…”

Your mom, your sisters, and other relatives arrived a little past 9PM. They sat your mom in the back, she looks really exhausted. Some batch mates already left, because they still have to report to work. A few minutes past 10PM, I felt a shiver from my neck down to my spine and it gave me goose bumps.

“Riley’s here…” I told the others.

“Wala pa raw, nasa morgue pa… They are still preparing his body…” said one high school batch mate.

“No, Riley’s here…” I reiterated and showed them my goose bumps. Then a batch mate known to have a “third” feel (not third eye, since she cannot see, she can only feel… And I think you know who she is):

“Riley’s here…” she confirmed, and showed us her goose bumps as well. Sweet, who is seated on my left, grabbed my hand, and leaned her head on my shoulder. The door from the back opened…

“Andyan na po siya…” said the guy from the funeral home. Then, the front door opened, and there you were… in a white casket with intricacies of gold.

“Riley!!!” groaned your mom to almost a breakdown. My heart broke the moment her wailing echoed throughout the room. A sound of sorrow resounded not only to the walls of the room, but also to the walls of our hearts. Your sisters were the first ones to take a look at you, followed by your relatives. No one from our high school buddies had the courage to get a glimpse of you just yet. Most are just crying on their seats. Rick was the first one to stand up. Wala siyang pakialam. He went there in front, and just cried there like crazy. Well, aside from the fact that the two of you were really close; he also has the same illness as yours. After Rick, people from our seat stood up. There were like 10 of us looking at you. You look peaceful in there. Stripped from worries, devoid of pain, your countenance spells serenity.

Of the 10 of us, Cel was the one who started the crying spree. From that moment, I felt that I was supposed to cry buckets for you. To my surprise, there were no tears. Not even a single drop. I patted Cel on the back, saying: “Ok lang yan ya, Cel.” She hugged me real tight.

“Nate, how long has it been since I last saw you?” she asked.

“Four years, Cel… 4 years…” I answered.

“I miss you. And I’ve always wanted to see you in a reunion. But not like this. Not in a reunion like this. P*tang ina… Had it not been for Riley’s death, hindi siguro ulit kita makikita,” said Cel.

“There there, Ces…” I hugged her back.

Wake, Day 2

There’s not much that I know of during this day. I only heard stories. I wasn’t able to attend the 2^nd day ‘cause I rendered OT at work.

Wake, Day 3

Leighanne called me up, asking if I’d be going to your wake. I said I’m not sure, and I’ll check out my schedule. She begged me to come, so that we could accompany someone to your wake. Upon learning who it was, I immediately agreed to go. It was Carlyn.

Leighanne met me outside, and whisphered “She’s there in front,” pointing to Carlyn. I slowly approached her, and observed what she was doing.

She was crying. She has a handful of your pictures that she’s arranging in this beautiful album–like scrapbook.

“Carlyn?”

“Nate? Nate!” she rushed towards me, and gave me a really tight hug. This time around, the crying turns to wailing: “Nate, he’s gone… Wala na si Riley… He’s gone…”

“Shhh… I know, Carlyn… I know…” I returned the hug to comfort her, and gave her an assurance that I felt the same way she felt. The tears that I fought back during the first day of your wake now flowed incessantly. I guess Carlyn was all I needed so that I could release the sorrow I’ve felt. We stayed like that for a while, until her wailings subsided to light sobs. We, then, went back to where she was seated.

“How are you?” asked I.

“Not good… When was the last time you got to talk to Riley, Nate?” said Carlyn.

“Uhm, about two months ago…” I answered. Then, I took out my phone and showed her messages and call logs of you.

“What’s that you’re doing?” I asked.

“Nothing, I’m just organizing his pictures,” she answered.

“You can stop doing that right now, Carlyn… Mas masasaktan ka lang…” to which she answered with sobs: “No, I’m going to finish this one,” she said. Then, one of your Ate’s sat, beside Carlyn.

“Kamusta ka na Carlyn?”

“Ok naman po, Ate…”

“Na–miss kita… Na–miss ka rin ni Riley…” She, then, turned to me and Leighanne saying, “Alam nyo, Anne hasn’t been really that much of help kay Riley. Lagi kasi silang nag-aaway eh… Yung stress nya kay Anne, naka–sama sa health nya, and worsened his condition…”

“Sana ikaw na lang, Carlyn… Sana kayo na lang ni Riley… Kung kayo siguro ang nagkatuluyan, I guess this wouldn’t have happened to our Riley…” said your Ate, then she hugged Carlyn and broke into tears.

It was something uncalled for.

Carlyn froze, but tears are also flowing from her eyes. Leighanne and I can’t help but cry along with them. Your mom, then, sat beside us. “Tama na yan, dry your eyes. Mag-picture tayo,” she said. We stood up, wiped our tears, and tried our best to smile. Your mom took our picture, saying “Na-miss kayo ni Riley… Alam ko, masaya siya na andito kayo….”

Hahaha! Parang timang lang kame… We just cried the whole night. But it was ok. We needed that. We needed release.

But the weakling in me didn’t show up again; this time on the day of your burial… I’m really sorry about that, Riley. Hindi ko talaga kaya…

Oh, just so know, I wasn't the only one who didn't show up... Anne and baby Josh never showed up... Not on the second day, not on the third day, not even during your burial rites... I'm sorry about that too...

P.S.

Remember how we talked about Carlyn the last time, and how you said she still has a special place in your heart? And how, after all this time, you’re still madly in love with her? I would’ve told her that. But, after what happened that night, I don’t think telling her would help ease the pain. Baka mas lalo lang siyang masaktan. She has cried enough.

But just so you know, I asked how she feels about you…

And after all these years, nothing’s changed. She still loves you, just like the first time.

I hope this made you smile.

Oh, and one more thing... Dalawin mo daw ang mga Ate mo... they miss you... 


-Nate

Marked!

My 8th Muse is a lady of noble blood. A Queen. And today is the day she blossoms into womanhood at age eighteen ( insert kulog & kidlat, with matching earthquakes, tsunamis, and what have you.. :P ). In her post about her adventures & misadventures in riding a train, she asked me to post my share of an encounter. As the Queen demands, so I, a royal subject, will oblige...

*** 

It was another usual Friday night. Since I’ve no appointments, I decided to go home. The train was in its jam packed state again. I waited for two trains to pass, and I got on to this next one. I was near the door. Facing me was a guy, probably my age, wearing glasses & sporting a smart casual getup. To that guy’s right, is another guy wearing red with his backpack on his chest. On my left was this guy, probably older than I am, with stubble facial hair, and wearing a black biker’s jacket on a black sando and an acid washed jeans. I love the rugged, rockstar look that he’s got going on. I think he looks hot.

I was minding my own business, balancing my right shoulder carrying a laptop bag, and my left shoulder carrying another bag. Suddenly, I felt a hand moving towards my butt. I didn’t mind it at first, thinking maybe Mr. Rockstar was just stretching his arms. Then, the supposed stretching turned to groping.

Thoughts came to my head. I recalled Eon wanting MRT encounters such as this na tipong “babastusin ka.” Hahahaha! :P

I didn’t mind the first grope, but I stared at him when he did it again. To my stare, he responded a devilish grin. He moved closer to me till my left hand, supporting the bag I’m carrying, felt his now throbbing member. Hindi naman masyadong mauga inside the train, but he keeps on bumping my left hand. I cautiously looked down to what my left hand was feeling and I saw his fly already half unzipped. Then I thought, “Oh, now I get it…” So, I took the liberty of fully unzipping it for him, and letting my hand inside his pants. My hand slowly caressed his stiff manhood, with my fingers tracing every inch, in an attempt to measure it. Well, let’s just say he is well–endowed (giggles). Oh, in case you’re wondering, yes, he did fish it out. Siya na ang horny! Siya na! :P

To my caresses, he responded with groping my behind. While that was happening, I felt another hand groping my shaft and it was coming from my front; it was Mr. Smart Casual. It went on for a couple of stations. (Insert shower scene with good lighting, scrubbing the body, sliding down the wall, saying “ang dumi dumi ko…”)

I let out a soft moan, and, I thought, Mr. Red Shirt noticed it. Well, I couldn’t care less about what he thought. Two guys are working me out, what am I supposed to do?? Duh?!

People alighted on the next station and slightly cleared our area. Mr. Rockstar zipped up and moved a little farther from me, but my hand seemed to like what it has been stroking for the past couple of minutes. He smiled at me while he shook his head. Two stations after that, Mr. Rockstar alighted. Who would’ve thought we’d drop off the same station? I walked past him, and I was walking a little fast because I’ve got to take a leak. But from my peripheral view, I saw him catching up. I slowed down, a bit, and when we’re already walking side by side:

“Pauwi ka na?” he asked, to which I answered, “Yup!”

“Where do you live?” a follow-up question, and I answered “Oh, just around the corner.” He smiled.

“How about you? Where are you from?” I asked, and he stuttered. (Ok, I get it. He obviously doesn’t give out too much info to a stranger whom he butt-grabbed in the train.) I inserted my ticket, he inserted his. While walking, he asked: “Did you notice the guy in red? I think he was suspicious.” “Don’t worry, I see that guy most of the time,” I said. “For all I know, he’s gay, and he’s just jealous that you were bumping your way towards me and not towards him,” I said further, to which he chuckled. And when we reached the stairs:

“You’re going down? My way is up,” I said.

“Oh, ok” he said, and then he brought out his phone then asked, “can I get your number?”

“Sure! It’s 09...”

After saving my number, he called me. I guess he wanted to make sure that I didn’t give a fake number. I brought out my phone, showed it to him saying “so, this is you calling…”

“Yes, that’s me,” he looked relieved.

“Sabay na ako sa ‘yo… Dun din naman ang daan ko eh,” he said. So we walked, side by side again. Only, this time, his right arm was wrapped around my shoulders. (Jerro! Naalala kita here sa post mo. Kung kayo, HHWW, kami akbay moment…) Feeling close si Mr. Rockstar. Although, I have to admit, I was giggling inside. Good thing, it’s a long walkway, and quite a long flight of stairs. Mapapatagal ang akbay moment namin ni kuya.

“I didn’t get your name,” said I.

“Oh, it’s Mark. What’s yours?”

“I’m Nate.”

“Mate?”

“NO! It’s Nate. N-A-T-E.”

“Oh ok… Got it!” he chuckled.

Then the usual “getting to know you” questions followed immediately after. He works at Makati as a Personal Nurse.

“So what, exactly, does a Personal Nurse do?” I asked.

“Oh the usual stuff, plus other things.”

“What other things? Things still related to nursing?” I naively asked.

He just smiled.

“You were aggressive kanina,” he said and my face literally turned red.

“Oh, ganun ba? Sorry ah… I didn’t mean to..”

“No, it’s ok. It’s ok.”

It’s the end of the walkway already. Next is a long flight of stairs going down…  

“Parang mabigat yang dala mo ah…” he said, with a rather caring tone.

“Oh, these? This one’s a laptop (pointing to my right bag), and this one’s personal stuff (pointing to my left bag).”

“You need help with those? I could carry them for you.” (I wish! I’m not a damsel-in-distress.)

“Don’t worry, magaan naman…” I continued.

While walking the stairs, he asked,

“By the way, how young are you?”

“Young? Me? I’m twen---”

Bumawi ako, “How about you? How OLD are you?”

“How old do you think I am? Go ahead, make a guess…”

Well, he is obviously older than I am. And, judging by the clothes he’s wearing, medyo may pagka-youngster pa naman. “Uhm, thirty?? Uhm, thirty something?”

“You think so?” he asked.

“Well, yeah…” I answered.

“Well, I’m older than that.” he said.

So I stopped walking, stared at him, and got a good look of how he really looks like. He’s taller than I am. He’s fit, that’s for sure. His sando is almost exposing his chiseled chest with a little hair. He’s got broad shoulders, and his arms are buff. He has a ruggedly handsome face. He doesn’t really look older than thirty something.

“For real?” said I.

“Yes… For real…” said he.

“How old then?” I asked further.

He grinned and said, “Old enough to be your dad.”

We bade each other goodbye when we reached the taxi bay. “See you soon...” he said, and then he went inside the cab.

The morning after, I woke up to a phone call. It was him. I wasn’t able to answer his call, so I texted him.

Nate:    Hey Mark! Good morning! Sorry, I just got up. You called?

Mark:    yeah,mark here-your daddy wearing swimming trunks while you tried groping it.

Mark:    i promised to call last night.sorry.

Nate:    haha! hi daddy mark! you were wearing swimming trunks? mmm.. sexy! J it’s ok if u weren’t able to call.. so, what’s up?

He didn’t answer after that. It was almost brunch when I called him. He asked if I was home and if I already had breakfast. I told him, I was about to have brunch. He apologized for not calling that night, and I said it was ok.

“See you soon,” he said. Then I hung up.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen on the days to come. All I know is that I feel comfortable with him despite the fact that I barely know him, and he’s “old enough to be my dad.” There’s something about him. Then I thought, “Ambait naman nya…” He even bothered calling me up the next day, and apologized for not calling the night before.

So, cheers to a new found friend and daddy!

By the way, he’s 41 (that’s what he said).

***

I'm not sure if you'll like this, my Queen.  But for now, this is as "mild" as I could go.

Bon Anniversaire,

 Comtesse Nicole de Lancret!

Sa 'yo Bulan: Isang Hiling at mga Luha

Nawindang ako kay DeeBee sa post nya... Bilang emo-emohan ang lolo, akala ko may pinagdadaanan na naman siya... Tapos ayun... Lumahok pala siya sa isang patimpalak. Ako naman si inggitero, naisipan ko ring sumali... Salamat iya_khin sa magandang ideya... Narito ang aking piyesa para sa iyong patimpalak...

***

Ako’y nilamon ng mapanglaw na gabi,

Habang ikaw, O Bulan, ay nakamasid

Pagpaumanhinan mo, patawarin, sa labis na paghikbi

Sa likod ng mga bintanang binuksan sa pagkakapinid

Sa kadiliman ng gabi, ang iyong ngiti ay namasdan

Itinago man ng mga ulap, hinayaan mong kuminang

Sa Iyo, Diyosa ng Buwan, muling iiyak ang puso

At ibubuhos ang damdaming pilit kinikimkim, itinatago

Sa aking pag-iisa, ramdam sa twina’y kalungkutan

Nasaan na siya, ang aking irog? Hindi ba siya daratal?

Sino ba ang itinadhana? Sino’ng mamahalin magpakailanman?

Tila di na kayang hintayin pa ng pusong nalulungkot at napapagal.

Mga pagniniig na walang saysay, na hindi sa kaniyang piling

Ay nais ko nang matigil at lagyan ng hangganan

Pakinggan mo, O Bulan, at dinggin aking hiling

Hayaan mong ako’y suklubin na ng walang hanggang karimlan.

Hindi na nanaising mabuhay pa,

Ang pagsamo ko’y iyong gawing ganap

Aking sawing buhay, wakasan mo, O Bulan,

Ako’y palayain sa aking paghihirap…